Week 8: Guildty Pleasures and Heroes

So, I was nowhere near on my theme guesses. Balls. Oh well. I guess I better predict these.

Guilty Pleasures
Marcus: Someone Like You (Adele) - We all know Gary is a prick who can't keep his word, and he also said Marcus is going to do a 'ballit'. This fits both of those assumptions. In all honestly, anything over than jazz is unlikely.

Janet: Can I Play With Madness (Iron Maiden) - Some may know she is a fan of heavy metal (the only redeeming thing about her) so this would definitely come under as an X Factor 'guilty pleasure'. Stick a harp on that, bitch.
Misha: Champion (Chipmunk) - Misha did this twitter thing about guessing her songs. She retweeted two. This was one of them. No logic needed.
Amelia: Nobody's Perfect (Jessie J) - It's understandable from all her performances that she is incredibly open-minded. 60s Blues Rock at the audition, to Aretha Franklin last week. She covered a couple of Jessie J songs on Youtube. This is her only song I find tolerable.I'd honestly like to see an attempt.

Little Mix: Viva Forever (Spice Girls) - Any Spice Girls song is a guilty pleasure, and if anyone at my school likes them I'd probably kill them. This, I suppose, is a vocals showcase and could run on well from last weeks En Vogue performance.


Heroes
Marcus: A Stevie Wonder song - Is debate really needed?

Janet: No Idea - Absolutely no predictions can be made for her. Her inspirations and some Texan bloke and an Italian Alt Rock band that nobody has heard of. Sorry, but no guess.
Misha: Lose Yourself (Eminem) - This was the other one she retweeted. /end
Amelia: Family Portrait (P!nk) - Just imagining this make me think "Fucking hell, she could win if she did this". If there was a 3-song week and she did this, Hurt by Xtina (I'm just shortening in it now because I cant spell Aguleria (yes, it's a wrong spelling)) and E.T. by Katy Perry she would get a landslide victory.

Little Mix: Don't Stop Believin' (Journey) - One group cant have a single hero, but one of them is named after some bloke out of Journey so I did that song that I hate and everyone else loves.

The X Factor: Week 7 Results Show - The Breakdown

Dear The X Factor Audience, stop voting for Janet.

Yeah, she got through, but that is for later.

First, it was a group performance! They did that song by Bryan Adams, you know, When You're Gone. Yeah, that one. Still, the group performance was the same as ever. Then came Bryan, who did what he did best, not sing and just play guitar. Then he sung. I still don't forgive him for writing Everything I Do. Bastard.

Then it was that scouser woman who spoke to Marcus, or something. I thought she was boring last year, and this year she is even more boring. Meh song, meh singing. That's all I say.
Then came Rihanna, who I missed. Oops.

RESULTS TIME!
Misha... Little Mix... Marcus... Then there was three. Say Amelia, please.
WHAT! JANET! You bunch of fucking tone deaf fuckers. Oh well, it's an extra Amelia performance I suppose. That makes it a bit better. Also Craig is in the bottom two. He wasn't the worst last night (JANET JANET JANET JANET) but he was definitely weak. Hard sing-off to call.

Craig did some song by somebody. It was too slow. Nice vocals showcase, but not interesting. Down-tempo isn't his strong point. Mid-Tempo Soul-Blues *cough*Adele*cough* is his style.
Woop, here comes Amelia. She's doing You and I by Lady Gaga, which she will do really well. I know she will. You know she will. Everyone knows she will. Oh look, she did it well. It was really, really great. Kinda glad she was in the bottom two now.
I already knew the judges choces. Gary and Tulisa save Craig, Louis and Kelly save Amelia. That was correct. However, I am now going into a SUPAGARYRANT!
How dare that dimwit say Amelia was shouting. I mean, did he realize this was both of them tryign to survive in the competition. This isn't the time to randomly slate an opposing, and let's face it, better act. Next time you want to claim somebody can't sing or shouts through their performances, go and listen to anything that little prick Frankie did. Absolute turd.
Anyway, that ends Gary rant 1.0.
Deadlock came for the first time, and I was worried my other, probably most, favourite performer would be out. Craig was out. I sighed with relief. Then we reviewed Kirkby Biscuit Boy's journey. It featured him looking different and also him making sex faces. Bye Craig, you're best is still Jar of Hearts.

Meanwhile, Amelia is still in! I'd love her to do Hurt or Fighter by Christina Aguilera. Let's not forget, it's really difficult to sing a black womans song, especially if you aren't an R&B/Soul singer. So next weeks predictions! I said George Michael and Elton John for the theme, so let's do song-ing!

Elton John
Marcus: Crocodile Rock - He'll do this won't he? Paige did it last year and they are pretty alike. It's probably obvious

Janet: Your Song - Of course she'll do this, it's obvious.
Misha: Tiny Dancer (Hold Me Closer) - Yeah, that Ironik and Chipmunk version. A rule bend that will probably happen.
Amelia: Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting - As much as I'd hate to see it, she'd probably do this. Her growly vocals mike make this song good though. Oh, what am I kidding. She's always good.

Mix Up Their Names: Don't Go Breaking My Heart - It's got more people. A single person cant do a duet (unless your that bloke from Britains Got Talent) so they might.

George Michael
Marcus: Too Funky - It's an R&B song. Yeah I know.

Janet: Faith - This is the only song she could probably even attempt, but if she did Freeek! I'd vote for her.
Misha: Careless Whisper - She's doing crapballads now, so this is obvious.
Amelia: Praying for Time - No other GM song fits her style. Also, this would be good.

The Mix: This Is Not Real Love - Yeah, that song with Mutya Benya. Well, she's the same genre as Mix, right?


So yeah, my Kelly hate has been directed at Gary 'I Am A Massive Twat' Barlow today, for worthy reasons.

The X Factor: Week 7 Live Show - The Breakdown

Yes, I know. My predictions were shite. Still, Janet still should of done You'll Be in My Heart. It wouldn't have been as awful as the song she did do.
Anyway! Let's get one with the slating!

Dermot came out as Bond, and looked like a drunk trying to be George Lazenby. Also, there wasn't a spin! Dermot! You fucking idiot! He also made a couple of Star Wars references, and I called Imperial March for the Judge Intro.
I was nearly right, it was the Star Wars theme. Nerdbomb. Louis is wearing the same, Tulisa's tattoo now reads 'Little Mix will be unpredictable', Kelly is wearing a mosiac and Gary is dressed as an 80 year old. Then came the performances.

Up first was Kirkby's Biscuit Boy Craig. FYI, he's going out with Danyl from that other X Factor series. Again, with the boring ass VTs. He's doing a Bond song aaand (please be Diamonds are Forever)... it's License to Kill. For fucks sake. It's shite. It was his 2nd worst live performance, after Best Thing I Never Had. He's in trouble I reckon.
Next was Mrs. Pale Janet. Yeah, she didn't do Phil Collins, she did Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer. They went to Twilight or something (I would have stayed at the house) and apparently her and Kelly are friends. Well, not sworn enemies at least. She then did Kiss Me, a combination of crappy Floorfillers Week and her her annoying singing accent ala Fix You. Yeah, it was shit. She can't sing.
Next up was Amelia. She is my favourite, as you all know. Oh yeah, she might go blind 'cause of diabetes apparently. VT was about how she cant believe she's back (everyone else can) and how the girls went to a spa. She's also doing a song from Bridget's Jones Diary. It's Think by Aretha Franklin. It's her weakest performance, predominately because of song choice, but she definitely did as much as she could for the song. She belted it out and returned to the Hard Pop (No, I don't know either) genre she had Week 1. I think she has been the strongest so far, but as I say, not amazing.
Then came Misha 'No, I am not a Bully' B. That VT was fucking pointless. People go on about how Louis and Tulisa were tactically making her look bad, bit this wasn't better. We know nobody likes her, we know she is in the bottom two. This was just leverage for the crap singer she is. She's also doing a song from The Bodyguard. That means it is gonna be I Have Nothing. It was, and how fucking boring was that? I've seen more life in Janet. Nothing like her style, and nowhere did I find it interesting. Please Misha, go back to being a soul singer.
Next up was Madam Mix-a-Lot. They continued to get special treatment by meeting The Saturdays, who are also shit. Tulisa says they are going to be unpredictable, and unless they come out singing Arma-goddamn-motherfuckin-geddon by Marilyn Manson or Psychosocial by Slipknot, I don't believe her. They are doing that En Vogue song from that film that is more obscure than Gummo and actually, it's their strongest performance since E.T. Vocals were tighter than I had seen them do, and it's also rockier than their performance on Rock week. Hmm... nah... their safe.
Finally was Marcus 'I am never gonna do anything other than 50s swing soul' Collins. He did something from Ghostbusters. No, it wasn't that. Sadface. It is another fucking Jackie Wilson song! NO MARCUS! STOP DOING THAT GENRE! REET PETITE WAS GOOD! THIS WAS FUCKING SHIT! Yeah, I just said that. It was awful. I didn't like it. Also, it was from Ghostbusters 2! What a con!

So, a short'un. Next week is the return of the two songs. About time. I think Craig and Janet might slip into the bottom two this week, but you know who I want to be there *cough*Misha*cough* but I know she wont. If she is, and especially if she's in there with Marcus who was weak, she is gone. WOOP!

Predictions? Of course. Later. I think the two themes are:
Elton John
and
Michael Jackson

I'll do the songs after I know who is gone.

The X Factor: Movie Week

Yes, I was very wrong in my week guess. It's movie week! Shall I do song predictions? Yeah.

So!
Marcus: What's New Pussycat? (performed by Tom Jones, from What's New Pussycat?). This song is bloody awesome.
Craig: The Windmills of Your Mind (performed by Noel Harrison, from The Thomas Crown Affair). It probably wouldn't suit him, but I love the song and he'll probably do it, if anyone.

Janet: You'll Be in my Heart (performed by Phil Collins, from Tarzan). Depressing, Janet, get it?
Misha: Lose Yourself (performed by Eminem, from 8 Mile). Christ, you know how much I dislike her. She could sing Hallowed Be Thy Name perectly and I wouldn't like it. Why? Ego, Arrogance, Over-confidence. I really fucking dislike her style. She might as well fart down a trumpet for 2 minutes. That might entertain me. Anyway, Misha rant out the way. She'll probably do this.
Amelia: I Need to Wake Up (performed by Melissa Etheridge, from An Inconvenient Truth). I'd fear this song being done as it might cause riots, but I think Amelia could do this well, with her Christina-like growls added it.

Pick n' Mix: Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) (performed by A.R. Rahman and The Pussycat Dolls). No, not the movie version, but we all know Tulisa has to fiddle.

 So remember, when Janet does You'll Be in my Heart, I called it.

Misha B and Janet: They should both go

Now, I know these two are two of the favourites, but come on, they are fucking boring now. Nothing would cheer me up more than a Janet-Misha sing-off, and I'd struggle to decide who I'd want to leave. In the end, they should both go before the final, but I'd rather see Mrs. Vader leave first. Why? Well,
1) She is the epitome of arrogance. Let me refer to the term 'swagger' for tis, even though the word is satan. She acts like she has all of it. Truth is, she just loves herself.
2) She is Kellys favourite, and I hate Kelly. Kelly seemed like an amusing judge, but the live shows have really portrayed her a a massive bitch. Snide comments, overuse of American phrases and, of course, two-facedness.
3) Janet actually attempted a different genre. Sure, it was shite, but she 'tried'. Misha sticks to hip hop/R&B, unless it's a sing-off and then she just drones a ballad.
4) She is fucking dreadful. Seriously. She isn't a good singer. She seems to be a bad Nicki Minaj impersonator, with those little irritating giggles and forced vocal style. Also, her stage presence isn't even good. She just pretends, yet again, to have whatever 'swag' is, and just ends up looking like a Strawberry Creme Quality Street, y'know, the one that nobody likes.

Oh, and why Janet should go after.
1) She is probably dying. Well, she's pale enough.
2) She isn't an amazing singer. Let me quote week one, "An I Weel Try en fish you". To be fair, it's probably an accent, but that just adds to her lack of ability.
3) She is dull. None of her ballads were interesting, and none of her fast songs (ahem, song) are good.
4) Too many 'euh' performances.


Honestly, if it was based on actual singing ability and stage presence, the final should be:
3) Craig
2) Marcus
1) Amelia

Craig is too unoriginal to win, Marcus is only gonna do swing songs now, and Amelia is the best singer, and is very versatile. She did Piece of my Heart in the auditions, and then did E.T. at the judges houses (AKA, the best Judges Houses of all time). I'd say though, on pure originality, Pick n' Mix might win. I dislike them, but they are quite a fresh thing on the show.

I think that concludes my mini-rant on 2/3 girls and my praise of 1/3 girls.
Tule, out.

The X Factor: Week 6 - The Breakdown

Hello, another blog by me. This time, I will be doing posts on various reality shows blasting opinions by people and highlighting my own. So, for the first post, it is this weeks X Factor.

Let's rewind back to yesterday. The show begun with... wait... what the fuck? Goldie has somehow managed to wriggle back on to our screens, albeit with a beautiful rendition of Copper Bell by... who the bloody hell knows. This is followed by audition highlights, including biscuit boy Craig and the corpse bride Janet.

Ah, there we go. Dermot continued to baffle me with his entrances. The signiature spin is enough for me. Then came the judges. It's same-suit Louis Walsh, chop-and-changer Tulisa whaserface, Kelly Rowland who came as James Bond and of course, everyones favourite bastard, Gary Barlow.

Dermot says that the Overs are first up. That meant Kitty. Kitty was one of my favourites. Her Sweet Dreams performance was one of the best in the series. Oh wait, Misha is doing her song. Born this Way would have been done 10x better by Kitty, I assure you. She's did Don't Stop Me Now instead. It was OK. Definitely not her strongest. Maybe her worst live performance.Tulisa somehow said it suited her, when it definitely didn't. You don't give a power vocalist a quick song without big notes.

Then came Kirkby's most famous Craig Colton. The same sort of VT he always had. Euh. He did Paparazzi. Euh. Same thing from Craig. The slows pretty song anyway, so to make it a ballad was unneccasary. Again, another male Adele performance. Euh. Oh yeah, and it was NOT his best performance. It is, and always will be, Jar of Hearts.

And next, Groups. So that means Rhythmix/Little Mix/Whatever fucking Mix they are. Tulisa made them curry or something. They were also shocked by The Risk's exit (woop) and then said 'nobody's safe'. Now, I am not a fan, I only really liked E.T. and their rendition of Tik Tok on Not Rock Week was dreadful. I called they would do Telephone and I was half right. They shoved four lines of Radio Gaga on it. Another meh performance. It was their second best, I suppose.

Oh no. It was Janet next. Little Miss Plague is never going to be good in my eyes. Terribly dull ballads and awfully done 'fast' songs. It still shocks me that she moved last week. Oh christ, she is going to kill Somebody to Love, and my kill, I mean slice into small chunks, shit on them and feed them to 42 hungry badgers and gophers. I guessed it, it was awful. Finally, Gary realises she is the definition of dull. I want her gone. Now.

Ey Up, here comes Mr. 50s Marcus. He was the favourite last week with Reet Petite, and it was his best. Well, anything beats Moves Like Jagger. He has another predictable VT, and then he begins. Oh christ, is that Another One Bites the Dust on a trumpet? Oh no, he's doing it in a swing style. Way to piggyback on last weeks success. It was worse than last week, and was just playing on his jazz success. It's black/brown/unracist remark about skin colour Ray Quinn!

Misha BB Gun to my Head is up next. She is doing Kitty's wished song, and it won't be as good, I promise. Kelly's rather snide comment of 'To show why she deserves to be doing this song' really pissed me off. Not even her wearing another Quality Street could make me happy. The VT again shows how Manchester loves her. One random black/brown/unracist remark about skin colour person along with a group of black/brown/unracist remark about skin colour people says how Manchester is behind you. A similar remark could be made by replacing Misha B with Holly Hagan and Manchester with Frankie.
Anyway, she did Born this Way. Mixing was terrible. A random hip hop beat was stuck in, and yet again Misha sings with irritating vocals. She is growing in confidence, and decreasing in talent. Remember when she was a soul singer and did Respect by Aretha Franklin? Me neither.

This was the point where the one returning was announced. It was Jonjo, 2 Shoes, James or Amelia. This means Amelia is returning. Dermot says that they won with 48%. This means Amelia is returning. Dermot says that Amelia is returning. This means Amelia is returning. She was my absolute favourite. How she was kicked off over Sophie, Janet and Misha confused me. Her Billie Jean was really good. The music was just loud. Also, she had the best Judges Houses performance in the competition. Anyway, she did one of my favourite Queen songs, The Show Must Go On, aptly. It was fantastic. She definitely stole the show. Corpse and Darth Vader better watch out.

Then the results. There were two performers, so that meant a rubbish group performance was inevitable. And it was. They did Walking on Sunshine. As always, out of sync. Also, Craig did more sex faces. Then it was One Direction, who I hate so I didn't watch them. Then it Mrs. Mental herself, Lady Gaga. All I thought was... THE FUCK!?

The bottom two was Kitty and Misha B. You all know who I want to go, but we all know who will go. Kitty does an unexpected song, Over the Rainbow, and gives one of her best vocals. She needs to do this more on the actual live shows. It was very good, a showcase of small vocals this time.
And here comes Mrs. Vader. She is doing a ballad, again, you know like all the ones she does all the time. It's that new Jessie J song. It was incredibly whiny. I'd send her home, with my index and middle finger.
It's obvious Kitty went, sadly. At least this shows that people now dislike Misha, which is always a plus for me.

A crap week really. If Amelia Lily didn't come back I would probably shave my cat and eat the fur and of sheer despair. If next week isn't an actual good week (AKA not Big Band, or Adele) then Imma be annoyed.

Oh, and on these I will also be doing 'Next Week and Song Choices'. It's basically what my Week and Song predictions.

Week: The Beatles and Another Unthemed Song.
Craig: Let it Be and Back to Black by Amy Winehouse
Marcus: Come Together and Chain Gang by Sam Cooke
Janet: Hey Jude and Snow ((Hey Oh)) by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Misha: Twist and Shout and Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys
Amelia: Helter Skelter and Hurt by Christina Aguilera
Little Mix: With a Little Help from My Friends and Irreplaceable by Beyoncé

I suppose 'wishful thinking' was involved but I can assure you a Beatles week will see Craig do Let it Be and Marcus do Come Togerher. I'm just disappointed Johnny isn't in it. He'd do a rockin' Yellow Submarine.