Ten Things That Should Come From The X Factor

With the final in poking distance, I'd thought I'd share my opinions on what should come out of The X Factor this year, and why.

Johnny Robinson getting a Talk Show
He's witty, he's entertaining and he is as camp as fuck. He is practically Alan Carr, and can sing. I'd imagine he'd be a charming host of a show similar to Chatty Man or The Jonathan Ross Show and could always end with some sort of musical performance. Maybe he could get a group/singer on that performs a song, then Johnny duets with them. That would be really awesome.

Kitty Brucknell Getting Signed
If Kitty ever gets signed, I would like to see it with a label like Cooking Vinyl that will allow her to create her stage theatrics and also allow her to generally do what she wants. Her Marilyn Manson-esque version of Sweet Dreams was a highlight of the series and proved she has an amazing rock voice. If she mixed her obvious loves of Pop, Rock and Theatre I feel she could become an amazing artist.

Little Mix Getting Signed
While I have noted that the Blonde one is the good singer and that the Rihanna One, The Other One and The One We Cant Joke About aren't really good singers, they still deserve to be signed. They are better than most other girl groups around at the moment (Sugarbabes, The Saturdays, Etc) and if the give the Blonde one an actual lead singer role I think I'd like them more.

Misha B Getting Signed
Well, it's not like this isn't going to happen. It's obvious an R&B label will snap her up, and rightly so. She is a alright lyricist, and is tons better 'The Cher Lloyd'. If Misha has a variety of slow and fast songs, she will be successful and I would probably like her a bit more.

Marcus Not Getting Famous
I really don't like this guy. I'm sure he is a nice fella, but why he is still in the competition baffles me. He was by far the worst last week, and showing off the 'voice' a couple of weeks back shows that without an American evangelical chior behind him he is dreadful.

Kelly Rowland NOT Returning
Everybody is aware of my hatred of this talentless, American whore. She is this years Cheryl Cole for me. Actually, she is actually a carbon copy of her. They both retained from voting and both showed blatant favouritism. Kellys obvious siding with Misha was the most irritating moment of the live shows. The fact the Kelly wants Amelia to fail because she beat Misha is also disgusting and disrespectful. This scumball should be removed from the judging panel and replaced with somebody with talent (see further down).

Kitty and Amelia Duetting
At this point, I am not sure about Kitty and Amelia. I remember reading near the start of the live shows that they inspired eachother but on Amelias domination of everyone return she claimed she did not like the twist. If I assume correctly that it's spite with the bosses and not Amelia then this dream X Factor duet could happen. It's been noted that these two were my favourites, and if a duet happened I would download it.


Frankie Cocozza Being Found Guilty of Rape
This would be nice for everybody. Imagine the headlines. 'Tosspot Rapes Girl', 'Britains Wanker of the Year', 'Frankie Cock-Ozza', 'I Supozza did do it' and let's not foget... 'Wanky Frankie'.

Two Judges Being Replaced (Yeah... You Know Who)
There are two teams on the judging panel this year. Louis & Tulisa vs Gary & Kelly. I prefer Team Louisa to Team Gelly. That mean Team Gelly, your going home. The Voice UK is dominating the judges. Jessie J, will.i.am, Danny O'Donoghue (of The Script) and Tom Jones! That's a great mixture of genres there, and obviously, there a more big names. Come on, who is bigger? Gary Barlow or SIR Tom Jones? Exactly.
In my usual Rock bias, I'd replace Gary with Bruce Dickinson (of Iron Maiden) and Kelly with Lady Gaga (of  Crazy Land). Brucie was offered a role on The Voice, but sadly he replied with No. Imagine the song choices from this guy! Rock Week will be mental. Lady Gaga will be able to choose great songs for every theme as she is one of the most open minded artists I am aware off (she loves artists from Black Sabbath to Michael Jackson).

And finally... the obvious one...
Amelia Lily Getting Signed
If you didn't expect this I pity you. As I don't want to be known as a 'Lillie', because it's not unisex for predominantly obvious reasons, I am now Unofficial Leader of AA, or AFWAF. Those mean Amelia's Angiosperms (I will explain) and Amelia Fans Which Aren't Female. An angiosperm is the actual name of a 'flowering plant' and as a lily is one of them it is, along with it having the word 'sperm' in it, applicable to male fans.
What the bloody fuck is wrong with me.
Anyway, as it's fairly obvious why this is here, I can end now. Good Night.

The X Factor: Week 8/9 - The Breakdown

Sorry about the lack of the blog last week. I was too busy celebrating Janets exit. Let's run through the highlights quickly.

It was guilty Pleasures and Heroes week.
Little Mix did a rubbish first song.
Janet forgot her words, majorly, and was dreadful. Again.
Misha gave an alternative version of that Cyndi Lauper song, and it was passable.
Marcus did that Wham! song, and it was too samey.
Amelia did T'Pau, and among arguments, I still think it was better than song two.
Then was Heroes.
Little Mix did Beautiful, and it has been revealed the blonde one should be in the girls category, solo.
Janet did Red Hot Chili Peppers, made it her (probably) best performance, but was still not Live Show quality.
Misha B slipped in quality with Roberta Flack.
Marcus did an awful version of Lately.
Amelia did a Kelly Clarkson song, and it was her weakest. I see her doing this style as an artist, but probably with more power.

There was a 24 hour break.
The Muppets sang better than Olly Murs.
Jessie J did a Katy Perry.
They performed the charity single, with 10 seconds of JLS and One Direction.
The results were announced: Amelia, Marcus, Little Mix.
The final two was Janet and Misha.
Janet chopped up and defecated on Chasing Cars.
Misha was wearing a Cottage Loaf and 1/30 of a chandilier.
Misha did a song nobody has heard of.
Janet went.
I wooped.
I went to sleep.

Then came this weeks performances. The genius team behind themes decided Motown was actually a good theme, even though motown is worse than it was in the 60s/70s. Basically, it's Marcus 'Woo! Let's Go!' Collins week. Louis does his lost spaniel impression, Tulisa has washed her arm, Kelly wore clothes and Gary is still 40 (wait, my dad is older than him?) going on 84.
IT'S TIME! TO KILL! THE MUSIC!

Kelly announces Misha 'I'm still in the competition, U Jelly Bro?' B. She might be good at Motown. As you will not know, she did Aretha Franklin in the audition. Aretha Franklin is the one Tulisa hasn't heard of. Come on Tulisa Constavalos (oh yeah, I spelt that without wikipedia), even I have heard of Aretha and I'm under 20.
Anyway, heres a group I've never heard of, Martha and the Vandellas. They did Dancing in the Street, Misha song. It was meh. Also, she had a stroke 5 seconds in to the song.
Amelia then did... oh. An actually OK Motown song? Whatever nesxt. Ain't No Mountain was the one she did. The original was about romance or something. Amelias was about being back after being booted out. Clevah or summat. Let's say it was better than Since U Been Gone. She should still do E.T and Piece of My Heart again. I have a feeling audition songs will be a theme, but since Little Mix were formed at Judges Houses, it may be a Judges Houses theme. Even better!
I'm getting off track. Next up was Little Mix/Little Muffins/Lital Micks. Basically, the good singer wasn't used and the Rihanna one muffed up her words. I have a feeling they are slipping down in the odds to win.
Marcus 'Woo! Let's Go!' Collins came and sung My Girl. Even though he is gay. *gasp* Sexualityception! Yeah, he cant sing very well can he? Also, he was stationary, which removed his entertainmentness. He's now my least favourite.

THEN CAME ANOTHER SET OF SONGS! THEN CAME A REDuction in letter size.
Misha returned with Perfect by P!nk. That song is actually called Fuckin' Perfect, a sung biography of Misha B's weeks. She sung this because the song 'I Am Not A Bully, I Already Told You That. Leave Me Alone.' couldn't have the rights secured. Her best rap was in it though. Probably 'cause it wasn't sung in the style of a stoned Nicki Minaj. The other parts were too Bottom Two Ballady though.
Amelia then returned with another power ballad, and yeah, it was a powerful vocal performance. Still doesn't top The Show Must Go On, but it's a yes from me. FYI, if Misha didn't do P!nk, Amelia could have done Family Portrait. That's another missed trick, aside from Kitty not doing Born This Way a couple of weeks back.
Then it was Littl... wait... Marcus 'Woo! Let's Go!' Collins? Whatever. His worst performance since Moves Like Jagger. Please go Marcus. Please.
Then came Little Mix. They did a song that the blonde one did more in. It basically proved that the other three are shite. Also, Beyonce is still awful.

Marcus to go, he will never be any good. Ever. Again.


SUNDAY TIME!
The group performance returns, and it isn't the crappy charity song. Thankfully, it is a Wilson Phillips song. Too bad it is still mimed. And rubbish.
The it was that little prick. I nearly through my skittles at the TV, but I realized wasting Skittles on him was like wasting toast with margerine, or tea with sweeteners. He also stole JLS's lamps.
Then was Kelly Rowland, who did a performance weaker than most of the finalists could do. Except Jonjo. And Frankie. And Janet. And for now, Marcus. At least she sung live.
Lolresultstime. Rule of thumb for The X Factor. If you were in the Bottom Two the week before, you're announced first.
The first act through... Little Mix. That means Misha is going home.
The next going through is... Marcus. That better mean Misha is going home.
The final act going through... Amelia. That means Misha is gone.
Then Misha did a rap including Dermots name, and then sung Who You Are again. FYI Misha, it was better than Marcus.

So, the final next week! At Wembley! No, not the stadium. You cant put The X Factor in the same place as Muse. Gawd. I actually have the small feeling that Amelia will win it. With thorough research (or, looking through videos of the performances), I have discovered that A) Marcus isn't liked as much anymore. B) Amelia is getting more likes that both of them. C) Marcus is the second person in the final five to get more dislikes that likes on a video.
Little Mix were savaged by the judges on their first song, so that means they are definitely slipping, and Marcus is getting genuine dislike. Amelia is still being accused of being shouty, but the range she needs to tone is her soft vocals, her belting is fine!

So yeah, Amelia might completely rub it in Kellys face by winning. That will be awesome. See you next week, where I will be celebrating or weeping!


Final Note: I have realized I talk about Amelia way too much in these posts. As she is my favourite, it's applicable. I'm not biased though. Come on. I even sort of complimented Misha. I will promise next week Amelia praise will be toned down. Unless she wins. Then there will be a blog about how she should of won and why she is the best singer in the competition.
I'm turning in to that pink guy... christ.

Another Final Note: As the christmas holidays are coming, and X Factor is over, I am doing a week by week redesign with ALL contestants giving them songs that they would do the best with in terms of how good they are. That will be fun fun fun.

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